Call me Yamhill

Bull Shit

Enough is enough. This fucking politically correct bullshit must end. Post fucking haste. First the NCAA bans all American Indian mascots during post season contests. Fuck the NCAA. If they would have left those schools alone, all would have eventually phased out their current oh-so-offensive mascots. But now they've picked a fight that will fire up loyalty to tradition and will assure these mascots will be around much, much longer. What's next, no more Buccaneers because they're an offensive stereotype to peace and butt-loving sailors everywhere? No more Vikings because the Swedes and Norwegians are trying to bury that part of their history? I'm all for these changes, so let's have a switch to the Tampa Bay Accountants, the Beloit College Veterinarians, the Pittsburgh Pimps, and the Minnesota Manufacturers and Miners.

Then, the classic football match up between Texas and Oklahoma, known as the Red River Shootout, is now called -- get your puke bucket ready -- the SBC Red River Rivalry. I'll give you a minute to wipe the bile from the corner of your mouth.

The name change was announced as part of a new three-year sponsorship agreement with the two schools and SBC Communications Inc.

First of all, SBC is one of the biggest fucking piece of shit companies I have ever had the misfortune of using. They send a 12 page phone bill that references charges back and forth over pages hoping your average mope will just shut up and pay the bottom line figure out of sheer confusion. But if you do take a week out of the month to sit down with an abacus and review this waste of trees, you will most often find the bottom line is wrong to their advantage. But this fucking dog shit, thieving conglomerate has to uphold their public image, and sponsoring a "shootout" would be counter to their stand as a wholesome company who keeps families in touch with each other while lining the pockets of senators and congressmen in order to ensure their company only legally liable to provide services to families who can pay top dollar for them. It's not a shootout, it's a rivalry.

Guess what? It is a shootout. It's a big fucking shootout sponsored by Viagra. Using 50 cal automatic machine guns, it's between pirates and vikings who run around bloody-mouthed with immense erections projecting from their pantaloons and their furry loincloths, screaming obscenities at children and little old ladies who scream obscenities right back between nasal snorts of 151 rum. The kids never heard the swearing in the first place because they're too intent on listening to Slipknot in their ipods and using the foot-long Havanas they're smoking to light the Molotov cocktails they're lobbing into the SBC headquarters. That's what kid of shootout it is.

posted by Yamhill @ 12:27 AM